The Now Because of Then

There are three things I
will never forget about you
And they are all-
hush hush
go away
don't go away
leave me
don't leave me-
and leave me with
these secret scars
these secrets again
these things I end up
seeing in my head
these words I end up
eating.
Let's eat
Let's eat them
Let's eat them together.
When you are all-
sized up there
is so much
not so much but
still so much
so so much-
left me wanting
left to want
wanting left.
The wanting
never left me.
And so the pain
I could not swallow
and the pain
it's left me hollow
but the pain was
something I'd borrow
so I could know
everything you feel.
And I still feel
and you still feel
and we both feel this
thing so fucking real.
Let's pretend
I am-
I am sitting
I am sitting next to you
I am sitting on the bar
stool, you are standing
at the stove. Or
you won't, Won't you
make me-
make me something
something to celebrate
10 years with you
as I sit in bed eating
another dinner alone.
And I am all-
In the now because
of then-and
I sit still
and still
still have
I still have the ring
you bought me.