Monday, May 21, 2012
Exhibit A: When this was first documented, I was more flattering of him than I should of been, but it was another reminder of that star-speckled night, so I blushed and I gushed. I should have been unforgiving, as you ruined the evening with a water balloon and your feigned unwitting nature. I will take you all back to that moment, carry you all back in the bucket I was forced to sit on. Back to him smirking in his comfortable chair. I said, "Do you remember, you were there?" I said, "It's about time, don't you think?, I said, "I've been waiting." I said, "Where have you been, hiding?" I said, "Is it safe, yet?", I said, "Don't break my heart, again." Words, so many god damn words, what use were they? You were deaf, deaf, deaf. "What do you mean?" you said, but all I heard was "What? What? What?" "Oh, that." you said. "Yes, that." That? Exhibit B: What was it with me and you without shoes? I have so many memories of you taking off your shoes? once behind the backdrop, where we touched feet? Once behind me on the bus with your feet in the air, And again in your basement you taking off your shoes? Before you curled around me, unprovoked? "Did you take off your shoes for all of your women?" "What shoes?", you might have asked, forgetting you even wear them at all? "What purpose do shoes serve?" "Isn't it a pity to put them on after you've taken them off?" I asked you so many times, my tongue must have bled from being bitten, or from asking you so many questions? I am not quite certain. Exhibit C: If I were to describe myself from that time I could, effortlessly. I have a clear picture of my head of that unguarded, bemused, distracted, and dreamy, little girl. It was easy to be indiscreet, intermittently, while lonely looking out windows, mooning. And at times my nirvanic mid-day napping had me pipe dreaming, woolgathering. But what were you? I was not the only one asleep on the job, out to lunch, oh brace yourself my first heart for I am about to crush you with careless and casual abandon as you did mine. For as forgetful as you were, you were equal parts improvident, imprudent, inaccurate, inadvertent, inattentive, incautious, inconsiderate, indifferent, and irresponsible. Now you are no longer so fond of the letter I. Exhibit D: Dear heart, this vitriol is almost in it's conclusion. I am ready to forget your loose, mindless, neglectful ways. Your playful nonchalance. Your oblivious recklessness. Your slack, slipshod, sloppy disregard. I forgive you. You'll never know what you've lost. And though many people forget even though they were there, none were so remiss- unobservant- wasteful?
Tickle your toes. . .
In my dreams I am the fictional version of myself. The one I seek to be in my short-stories and prose. The one who gets her point across...