Monday, May 21, 2012
wasteful
Exhibit A:
When this was first documented, I was more flattering of him
than I should of been, but it was another reminder of
that star-speckled night, so I blushed and I gushed.
I should have been unforgiving, as you ruined the evening
with a water balloon and your feigned unwitting nature.
I will take you all back to that moment, carry you
all back in the bucket I was forced to sit on. Back
to him smirking in his comfortable chair. I said,
"Do you remember, you were there?" I said, "It's
about time, don't you think?, I said, "I've been waiting."
I said, "Where have you been, hiding?" I said,
"Is it safe, yet?",
I said, "Don't break my heart, again."
Words, so many god damn words, what use were they?
You were deaf, deaf, deaf. "What do you mean?"
you said, but all I heard was "What? What? What?"
"Oh, that." you said. "Yes, that." That?
Exhibit B:
What was it with me and you without shoes? I have
so many memories of you taking off your shoes?
once behind the backdrop, where we touched feet?
Once behind me on the bus with your feet in the air,
And again in your basement you taking off your shoes?
Before you curled around me, unprovoked?
"Did you take off your shoes for all of your women?"
"What shoes?", you might have asked, forgetting you
even wear them at all? "What purpose do shoes serve?"
"Isn't it a pity to put them on after you've taken them off?"
I asked you so many times, my tongue must have bled
from being bitten, or from asking you so many questions?
I am not quite certain.
Exhibit C:
If I were to describe myself from that time I could,
effortlessly. I have a clear picture of my head of
that unguarded, bemused, distracted, and dreamy, little girl.
It was easy to be indiscreet, intermittently, while
lonely looking out windows, mooning. And at times
my nirvanic mid-day napping had me pipe dreaming,
woolgathering.
But what were you?
I was not the only one asleep on the job, out to lunch,
oh brace yourself my first heart for I am about to crush you
with careless and casual abandon as you did mine.
For as forgetful as you were, you were equal parts improvident,
imprudent, inaccurate, inadvertent, inattentive, incautious, inconsiderate,
indifferent, and irresponsible. Now you are no longer so fond of the letter I.
Exhibit D:
Dear heart, this vitriol is almost in it's conclusion.
I am ready to forget your loose, mindless, neglectful ways.
Your playful nonchalance. Your oblivious recklessness.
Your slack, slipshod, sloppy disregard.
I forgive you. You'll never know what you've lost.
And though many people forget even though
they were there, none were so
remiss-
unobservant-
wasteful?
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Reach for the clouds. . .
Tickle your toes. . .
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driving home from the farmer's market- I can't see anything- through this storm- I come home to sleep- with you-rest in your arms fu...
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like me- it serves as a question as well as an appropriately foolish letter in bad company it only teams up with words like yodel, ...
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motionless sap. ogling your shadow, you have much thinking to do. has the potassium kicked you in the arse yet-and got you going? you a...
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Under a blanket it was at high altitudes in love or nauseous? I once held his hand his touch was so soothing-but with a lion's face. and...
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nipped at the ankles which is how I wander through life sometimes I must be pushed through a door finally opened after years of knock...
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Tickling toes- there was something about that barefooted madness something about that wistful waist-high wishing and wooshing in the woods, ...
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and now that the anger is gone there may be a few more glimpses like looking out of the window through a thin veil of silk. a look in...
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confession is all: it is what my poetry is, and that is my life.
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sex object. not afraid of the words. I've used many objects for the sake of sex. in fact my body has been pretty disposable- I don't...
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it's not possible. I think the problem must be- too much love and hate.
i'll have to try not to 'blush and gush' myself now - but i will say that's wonderful how productive you are currently and having seen this blog return to such brilliant life*... well - i blush and gush.
ReplyDeletedammit.
:)
*i haven't commented so much but i have been reading.
thank you Nic. I've just been the master of +Ctrl V lately, I'm curently working up the nerve to continue writing today.
ReplyDeletewell it's been interesting to (re)read the pieces here as an unexpected and fresh counterpoint to your posts elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteand of course i look forward to any new writing, Amy - power to your elbow and may the nerves be steely indeed :)