Monday, August 1, 2011

travel

Under a blanket
it was at high altitudes
in love or nauseous?

I once held his hand
his touch was so soothing-but
with a lion's face.

and yet his shoulder-
a pillow and his stomach-
a raft, and I sank.


still in a love dream-
state to state to state to state
home behind eyelids.
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16 comments:

  1. AnonymousAugust 1, 2011 at 9:53 AM

    Beautiful dream... And the feelings expressed even more beautifully! ;)

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  2. Linda Bob Grifins Korbetis HallAugust 1, 2011 at 10:13 AM

    smooth sailings, either a dream trip or a solid vacation,

    Thanks for joining poets rally.
    have fun!

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousAugust 1, 2011 at 12:18 PM

    Wonderful! One small suggestion ... I'd eliminate the extra "to state to state", so the last stanza simply reads:

    still in a love dream-
    state to state
    home behind eyelids.

    The second line still conveys the double meaning (flying over many "states" and transition between dream / waking "states") without unnecessary repetition. It's your poem (and a fine one, too), so whatever you think is best!

    ReplyDelete
  4. bttrflyscarAugust 1, 2011 at 12:24 PM

    interesting take, although that would make it not a haiku! :)

    I like the repetition as it was like taking a cue from a song called coast to coast, with a line that goes "coast to coast, coast to coast, to coast" lol.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Judith C EvansAugust 1, 2011 at 4:30 PM

    Lovely, dreamy poem about different types of travels. Very nice!

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousAugust 1, 2011 at 5:05 PM

    Very nice. I enjoyed this.

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousAugust 2, 2011 at 6:05 AM

    good to see you here again.

    ReplyDelete
  8. bttrflyscarAugust 2, 2011 at 6:56 AM

    thanks all! no changes needed? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousAugust 2, 2011 at 7:49 AM

    nope.

    ReplyDelete
  10. bttrflyscarAugust 2, 2011 at 8:08 AM

    :) lol

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  11. AdamAugust 3, 2011 at 7:18 AM

    I really enjoyed this poem. I found it very calming with great imagery.

    Thanks for sharing :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. bttrflyscarAugust 3, 2011 at 1:07 PM

    thanks Adam!

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousAugust 3, 2011 at 8:56 PM

    "a raft, and I sank."

    "home behind eyelids"

    Powerful!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousAugust 4, 2011 at 7:30 AM

    I really love your poetry the imagery and emotion is this, it's really outstanding

    ReplyDelete
  15. bttrflyscarAugust 4, 2011 at 11:58 AM

    lovely compliments. thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  16. AnonymousAugust 4, 2011 at 10:34 PM

    Well-written prose. Thought-provoking. Loved it and your site.

    ReplyDelete

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