Monday, August 1, 2011

travel

Under a blanket
it was at high altitudes
in love or nauseous?

I once held his hand
his touch was so soothing-but
with a lion's face.

and yet his shoulder-
a pillow and his stomach-
a raft, and I sank.


still in a love dream-
state to state to state to state
home behind eyelids.
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16 comments:

  1. Beautiful dream... And the feelings expressed even more beautifully! ;)

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  2. smooth sailings, either a dream trip or a solid vacation,

    Thanks for joining poets rally.
    have fun!

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  3. Wonderful! One small suggestion ... I'd eliminate the extra "to state to state", so the last stanza simply reads:

    still in a love dream-
    state to state
    home behind eyelids.

    The second line still conveys the double meaning (flying over many "states" and transition between dream / waking "states") without unnecessary repetition. It's your poem (and a fine one, too), so whatever you think is best!

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  4. interesting take, although that would make it not a haiku! :)

    I like the repetition as it was like taking a cue from a song called coast to coast, with a line that goes "coast to coast, coast to coast, to coast" lol.

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  5. Lovely, dreamy poem about different types of travels. Very nice!

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  6. Very nice. I enjoyed this.

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  7. good to see you here again.

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  8. thanks all! no changes needed? ;)

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  11. I really enjoyed this poem. I found it very calming with great imagery.

    Thanks for sharing :)

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  13. "a raft, and I sank."

    "home behind eyelids"

    Powerful!!

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  14. I really love your poetry the imagery and emotion is this, it's really outstanding

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  16. Well-written prose. Thought-provoking. Loved it and your site.

    ReplyDelete

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