Under a blanket
it was at high altitudes
in love or nauseous?
I once held his hand
his touch was so soothing-but
with a lion's face.
and yet his shoulder-
a pillow and his stomach-
a raft, and I sank.
still in a love dream-
state to state to state to state
home behind eyelids.
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Poets United Contributor
Beautiful dream... And the feelings expressed even more beautifully! ;)
ReplyDeletesmooth sailings, either a dream trip or a solid vacation,
ReplyDeleteThanks for joining poets rally.
have fun!
Wonderful! One small suggestion ... I'd eliminate the extra "to state to state", so the last stanza simply reads:
ReplyDeletestill in a love dream-
state to state
home behind eyelids.
The second line still conveys the double meaning (flying over many "states" and transition between dream / waking "states") without unnecessary repetition. It's your poem (and a fine one, too), so whatever you think is best!
interesting take, although that would make it not a haiku! :)
ReplyDeleteI like the repetition as it was like taking a cue from a song called coast to coast, with a line that goes "coast to coast, coast to coast, to coast" lol.
Lovely, dreamy poem about different types of travels. Very nice!
ReplyDeleteVery nice. I enjoyed this.
ReplyDeletegood to see you here again.
ReplyDeletethanks all! no changes needed? ;)
ReplyDeletenope.
ReplyDelete:) lol
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this poem. I found it very calming with great imagery.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing :)
thanks Adam!
ReplyDelete"a raft, and I sank."
ReplyDelete"home behind eyelids"
Powerful!!
I really love your poetry the imagery and emotion is this, it's really outstanding
ReplyDeletelovely compliments. thank you!
ReplyDeleteWell-written prose. Thought-provoking. Loved it and your site.
ReplyDelete